I personally prefer the second one haha. I feel like a lot of allies think that being appreciated=being told you're appreciated 24/7, which is certainely not the case. I appreciate the people who help me through my mental illness more than words can say, but I don't feel the need to constantly shower them in kisses and flowers. I feel like it should be understood that I appreciate them. I feel as though it is.
I do think that when we “help” people, we expect a certain degree of humility in return. And depending on the degree of “help”, we expect the person being helped to give up their autonomy, self-determination and voice and value our own opinions and determination over theirs. We call this “respect”. I see it both at an individual level, and at a larger structural context.
It is far more difficult, disruptive and effective to understand that we are all part of a community who is inter-dependent and inter-related in all sorts of ways. That we *should* help if our privileges allows.